Sunday, March 2, 2014

I never wanted to allow myself to feel. I thought that if I lost the good feelings at least I’ve spared the bad ones. The pain, grief, anger, sadness, nostalgia, etc. I knew I was going to miss out on a variety of different levels of ecstasy, but even that delivers the lowest down afterwards. I failed. I failed to let the barricade around my heart stand strong. I didn’t put it up to see who was worth the entry. I put it up to spare myself the misery.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

“You were different, I let down my walls for you”
The Special One, a short story.

You first tip toed into my life like a stranger I knew before, making me know you. Then you marched deeper into me until I was used to you, like I wanted you. Once you established yourself into me, you made yourself a need to me, a necessity I could not live without. That was not enough. You pushed yourself into me, deeper and deeper, claiming to want to be that special one. The one for me. Indispensable. Like there were no others before you nor will they be any after you. You fought for that title, you wanted that place. That special one. My special one. And then you hit a dead end. You saw what was there and you did not want it anymore. The curiosity in your eyes had disappeared. The mystery in me was no longer. You were the special one finally but you did not like it. You fought so hard but had nothing to show for it, but for what? So you could hear those words. The special one. So you could be treated as that. The special one. But the special one would never do that. The special one would act like the special one. Unless you just wanted to be the special one without sharing the title with me. You were mine but I was not yours. And yes you were. You were different, I let down my walls for you. I welcomed you with open arms even after you pushed yourself in. I still welcomed you because I thought you would live up to it.